


[Dadza added Ranboo to the chat]

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Antfrost is a catboy and we all know it, Bamboo anon, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, How Do I Tag, Ranboo is a tumblr user I don't make the rules, Trans Floris | Fundy, chatfic, my first attempt at a chatfic :), why does sam have two character tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Another chatfic because every fandom needs an overabundance of them! This time your classic school au and Ranboo-centric!
Relationships: no relationship tags I'm lazy
Comments: 39
Kudos: 377
Collections: Anonymous





	1. [Dadza added Ranboo to the chat]

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this anonymously because it's my first chatfic and I'm scared lol You can call me Bamboo! (he/they)
> 
> Everyone's usernames to avoid confusion: (I may add explanations in later chapters)  
> Dadza: Phil  
> Niki <3: Niki  
> TroubleInnit: Tommy  
> Tuwubbo (bee boy): Tubbo  
> Furry/Fundy: Fundy  
> Technowoblade: Techno  
> Dudududu: Dream  
> Man me a sand: Wilbur  
> tED: Eret  
> Purp(etrator): Purpled  
> Handsamdude: Sam  
> 404Coloursnotfound: George  
> Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: Sapnap

_Dadza has added Ranboo to the chat_

Niki <3: Hello!

TroubleInnit: Who is this

Dadza: New student. Please don't kill him.

Furry: new blood!

TroubleInnit: Shut up furry

Furry: WHO TF CHANGED MY NAME

_Furry changed their name to Fundy_

Ranboo: Hello

Dadza: Hello Ranboo. Your first class tomorrow is at eight.

Ranboo: ok

Tuwubbo (bee boy): hii Ranboo!

Tuwubbo (bee boy): sorry if I type slow btw I'm dyslexia

Fundy: You sure are

Ranboo: It's ok!

Ranboo: I have adhd so conversations can be hard for me sometimes too

Technowoblade: @dudududu ONE OF US ONE OF US

Ranboo: fear

Dadza: SO HOW ABOUT WE GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER?

Dadza: *caps sorry

TroubleInnit: TWO TRUTHS ONE LIE

Man me a sand: oh dear god

Tuwubbo (bee boi): Ok!!

Ranboo: I've never played this game

TroubleInnit: :OOOOO

Niki <3: It's okay! We can teach you!!

tED: Fundy is a master of this game

Fundy: >:3

TroubleInnit: You deny being a furry and then you use the >:3 emoticon

Furry: shut up child

Dadza: So basically Ranboo, you tell two true things about yourself and one lie and everyone else has to guess which is the lie. We play it so only one person can guess, because there's so many of us, but people normally play it so everyone can guess

Ranboo: Thank you Philza Minecraft

Dadza: literally just call me dad

Ranboo: Okay Philza Minecraft

Technowoblade: I like him

TroubleInnit: OK Niki tell us things and purp boy guess

Purp(etrator): dang it

Purp(etrator): I thought if I stayed quiet I could avoid this game

Tuwubbo (bee boi): There is no espace

Niki <3: Ok! Um let's see... I have a cat named Minx, my favorite fruit is blackberries and I'm 5' 7”!

Purp(etrator): isn't your best friend named Minx?

Niki <3: She is!

Purp(etrator): So your cat is the lie?

Niki <3: Nope! I'm 5' 8”!

Purp(etrator): What came first, the friend or the cat?

tED: cat I was there

TroubleInnit: Niki pick two people!

Niki <3: Okay!! Phil and Wilbur?

Man me a sand: I know everything about Phil I will destroy you father

Dadza: 1. I have once knocked a grown man tf out and dragged his body seven blocks before stopping, 2. I have three adopted sons and 3. Tommy regularly sneaks out his window just to sit on the porch roof and listen to music

Man me a sand: …

Man me a sand: father please tell me that you did not knock a grown man tf out and drag him seven blocks before stopping

Dadza: I will neither confirm nor deny

TroubleInnit: OK I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT RANBOO NOW

TroubleInnit: Sam you guess

Handsamdude: I have work in like five minutes

TroubleInnit: then Ranboo better type fast

Man me a sand: Tommy not typing in all caps? Someone take a screenshot, quick

tED: done

Ranboo: UHHH

Ranboo: give me a second here please

Ranboo: Okokok 1. I know how to kill a man, 2. I have a cat named Jjjjjjjeffery and 3. I have jumped out of a 4th story window on multiple occasions

Dadza: Ranboo please don't make me call the authorities

Handsamdude: You don't seem like a troublemaker so maybe 3 is the lie?

Ranboo: nupe

Dadza: Ranboo when have you jumped out of a 4th story window

Ranboo: Multiple occasions ^_^

_TroubleInnit changed Ranboo's name to WINDOW BOY_

WINDOW BOY: why

TroubleInnit: It's on brand

Tuwubbo (bee boy): So the lie is knowing how to kill a man?

WINDOW BOY: also nupe

Technowoblade: …

Technowoblade: Dad I like him can we keep him?

Dadza: no adopting criminals

Niki <3: So the lie is your cats name?

WINDOW BOY: Yup, his name has 8 J's, not 7

_WINDOW BOY changed their name to Ranboo_

Ranboo: I just realized I can do that

404Coloursnotfound: why do I have seventeen hundred notifs what did I miss

TroubleInnit: We added the new guy to the gc

Dudududu: GOGY

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: simp

Dudududu: lies and slander. Techno how much to take him out?

Technowoblade: two burritos and your geometry homework

Dudududu: consider it done

Technowoblade: Sapnap. Run.

Ranboo: I am very concerned

Dadza: I am very concerned that Ranboo has both jumped out of a 4th story window multiple times AND knows how to kill a man

Purp(etrator): just out of curiosity how do you kill a man?

Ranboo: Air shot between the toes. Mimics a heart attack. Bury it vertical, not horizantal, and bury something like a dead animal on top of it so that if the tracking dogs find it they'll find the thing on top and assume it's a false alarm.

Purp(etrator): duly noted

Dadza: Ranboo just out of curiosity what are your parents phone numbers I need to make a work call

Ranboo: bold of you to assume I have parents

TroubleInnit: AASHFGAYFUYADGFUYDAGUADGUYFA

Ranboo: Every friend group should include a bimbo (Sapnap), a mean bisexual (Eret), an even meaner lesbian (Dream), she/they's (Niki), He/they's (Sam), a token straight that's on thin fucking ice (Phil), an astrology bitch who has everyone's birth charts memorized (Wilbur) and a short king (Gogy)

Man me a sand: …

Man me a sand: I'm not even mad that you called me an astrology bitch I'm just shocked at how well you figured us all out within like three text messages

tED: I am not mean :(

Tuwubbo (bee boy): do you just have that post memorized or...?

Ranboo: I have many tumblr posts memorized. I also have no hobbies.

TroubleInnit: It shows

Ranboo: I mean aside from jumping out 4th story windows and giving Philza Minecraft heart attacks

Dadza: I am going to go to bed everyone still be alive in the morning please

Technowoblade: No guarantees

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: HOW DID YOU TYPE THAT WHILE CHASING ME

Technowoblade: (:

Ranboo: wow I am afraid of him

Tuwubbo (bee boy): Once he got a fake ID just to pet the puppies at the pet store near our house

tED: can confirm I was there

Ranboo: you're Eret right?

tED: yup!

Ranboo: can I sit with you at lunch tomorrow I like you

tED: sure! Just look for the short-ass ginger boy

Fundy: I am not asleep yet Eret

tED: fuck

Fundy: I know where you sleep Eret

tED: fear

Fundy: I have the key to your window Eret

tED: aaaand that's my cue to go to bed, goodnight everybody please go to sleep at a reasonable hour

Ranboo: bold of you to assume I sleep


	2. TroubleInnit: father dearest wilbur has locked me in a closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying out different formatting hopefully it looks nicer :D
> 
> Dadza: Phil  
> Niki <3: Niki  
> TroubleInnit: Tommy  
> Tuwubbo (bee boy): Tubbo  
> Furry/Fundy: Fundy  
> Technowoblade: Techno  
> Dudududu: Dream  
> Man me a sand: Wilbur  
> tED: Eret  
> Purp(etrator): Purpled  
> Handsamdude: Sam  
> 404Coloursnotfound: George
> 
> <3

Monday, 3:38 pm

TroubleInnit: father dearest wilbur has locked me in a closet

Dadza: good lol stay there til the end of school

Tuwubbo (bee boy): which closet?

TroubleInnit: fuck if I know

Man me a sand: #3 east hallway

Tuwubbo (bee boy): omw :)

TroubleInnit: you are the only person in this gc that I respect tubbo

tED: guys please

tED: Mr Sparklez is one of the cool teachers but if my phone keeps buzzing he's going to make me sit outside

TroubleInnit: suffer

Tuwubbo (bee boy): suffer

TroubleInnit: father dearest I think there are rats in the evnt

TroubleInnit: @Dadza please save meeeeeeeeeeeee

Man me a sand: …

Man me a sand: I can't tell if your being dramatic or if something actually happened

tED: *you're

Man me a sand: shut up eret your a nerd

tED: *you're

TroubleInnit: Tubbo just climbed out of the fucking vent and now we're both stuck in here

Purp(etrator): I just snuck out of class to see why my phone was blowing up give me two minutes

Purp(etrator): I know where they keep the spare keys for all the closets

Dadza: I am legally obligated to ask you how you know that

Purp(etrator): dead men tell no tales

Tuwubbo (bee boy): your alive tho

Purp(etrator): I won't be if I tell how I know

TroubleInnit: I don't know if I should be more concerned about Purpled knowing where you keep the keys or the fact that he got from Dan's classroom to closet three in under a minute

TroubleInnit: I am free now. No thanks to father dearest.

Dadza: damn purp should have left you in there

Dadza: not u though Tubbo I'm happy that you're free

Tuwubbo (bee boy): :)

Purp(etrator): gotta get back to class now bye

TroubleInnit: HE JUST RAN INTO THE FUCKING CLOSET

tED: man I'm glad I came out of that years ago owo

Dadza: Eret never say owo again

tED: yes sir

Monday, 5:21 pm

Purp(etrator): Dad Dream and his friends are doing that thing again Sam told me to tell you

Purp(etrator): @Dadza

Dadza: I will tell Technoblade to stay indoors. Thank Sam for the warning.

Ranboo: that was very ominous and I am frightened

Fundy: You should be.

Ranboo: please don't give me a panic attack while I'm trying to do my homework Fundy

TroubleInnit: Imagine doing homework. Couldn't be me.

Dadza: I'm gonna come in there in five minutes and if you aren't doing homework you're grounded from the computer for the rest of the week

Purp(etrator): He says he's just happy that nobody got hurt this time

Dudududu: yet

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: He is in a tree. We're sending Ant after him. Either he becomes a parkour master or we get his ass.

Monday, 8:30 pm

Niki <3: [image sent: sleepingfurry.jpg] Fundy just fell asleep take this blackmail photo before I wake him up

tED: screenshotted and saved to multiple devices

Ranboo: Eret you scare me a little bit

tED: good

Fundy: niki just woke me up, yelled at me to take my binder off, then ran to the kitchen giggling what did i miss

Niki <3: [1 message deleted]

Niki <3: Nothing don't worry about it :)

Monday, 10:01 pm

404Coloursnotfound: [image sent: gothisass.jpg]

Dadza: Before 11 pm this time, you're getting better at this

404Coloursnotfound: no he's just getting worse

404Coloursnotfound: I'm going to bed now goodnight everybody

Dudududu: it's not my fault that Ant is a fucking catboy who can apparently smell the catnip that got stuck on my socks

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: Ant has requested that he become a part of this conversation

_Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420 added Antfrost to the chat_

Antfrost: Hello

Niki <3: Hello! Please go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight :)

_TroubleInnit changed Antfrost's name to Catboy <3_

_Catboy <3 changed their name to Gay Catboy <3_

Gay Catboy <3: at least get it right thomathy

TroubleInnit: have you been hanging out with dream a lot late

Gay Catboy <3: I just climbed a tree to get his ass so I'd say yes

TroubleInnit: it shows

Dudududu: He climbed that fucking tree in like three seconds I had to jump into a window and leg it through a random apartment building

Ranboo: is that what I heard like five hours ago right before jumping out a 4th story window?

Dadza: Dream please tell me where Ranboo lives so I can go talk to his parents

Dudududu: the homies never tell

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: I have been replaced smh my head

Antfrost: shh you know Karl still loves you

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: at least the true homies got me mournful face emoji

Ranboo: did you

Ranboo: did you actually just type the words 'mourning face emoji' instead of just using the emoji

Ranboo: it's too late for this I'm going to bed

Tuesday, 2:22 am

Ranboo: it's a mEnTaL bReAkDoWn *sticks two kazoos up my nose and plays the tune of 'it's the final countdown'*

Dudududu: mood

Technowoblade: mood

tED: mood

Man me a sand: all of you need therapy

Dadza: for the sake of all that is holy please go to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this one! Chaos fics are the best kind of fic! 
> 
> ADHD brain kinda took this in multiple directions but hopefully it makes sense and I'll elaborate on some of it in later chapters!
> 
> Comments are always cherished! They give the nd brain enough dopamine to keep writing :)
> 
> -Bamboo


	3. Tuwubbo (bee boy): he's gonna hunt you for sport

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *vanishes for a few days*  
> Me: *rolls up with sour patch kids* what did I miss 
> 
> I was going to try to update this every day but then my uterus happened so updates will come whenever the mood hits me
> 
> Dadza: Phil  
> Niki <3: Niki  
> TroubleInnit: Tommy  
> Tuwubbo (bee boy): Tubbo  
> Furry/Fundy: Fundy  
> Technowoblade: Techno  
> Dudududu: Dream  
> Man me a sand: Wilbur  
> tED: Eret  
> Purp(etrator): Purpled  
> Handsamdude: Sam  
> 404Coloursnotfound: George
> 
> TW's for mentions of internal organs and bleeding, but nothing graphic

Sunday, 12:30 pm

Dudududu: @Ranboo five minutes

Ranboo: fear

Dudududu: good (:

Ranboo: What are you going to do to me in five minutes

Tuwubbo (bee boy): he's gonna hunt you for sport

Dadza: Initiation ritual

Ranboo: ok good luck

Dudududu: Somehow that is not the response I was expecting

Ranboo: you will find that I am good at this game

Sunday, 12:35

Dudududu: @Ranboo it begins

Ranboo: k lol

Ranboo: if u come into my apartment make sure to close the door behind you the cats like to get out

Ranboo: I left it unlocked because I don't need the neighbors calling the police again

tED: again

Ranboo: yes.

Sunday, 1:54

Dudududu: where tf are you child

Ranboo: (:

Dudududu: Ranboo do you accept bribery

Ranboo: how much can you offer me?

Dudududu: a ten pack of mcdonalds chicken nuggets and five bucks

Ranboo: throw in your bio homework and you've got a deal

Dudududu: fine

Ranboo: leave it in the third bush to the left in the denny's parking lot four blocks from here going east

Ranboo: make yourself scarce before I pick it up and I'll give you a hint as to my location

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: why do I feel like I'm witnessing a drug deal

Sunday, 2:00 pm

Dudududu: Sapnap why are you and Karl sitting in shopping carts in a Denny's parking lot at two in the afternoon

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: none of your beeswax mortal

Ranboo: Dream I am awaiting my chicken nuggies

Dudududu: nuggies deployed at the rendezvous point

Sunday, 2:10 pm

Ranboo: I told you to make yourself scarce before I picked up the nuggies

Dudududu: I'm watching Sapnap and Karl play shopping cart chicken give me a minute

Dudududu: OH SHIT

Dudududu: Ranboo I'm calling it off I have to drive to the hospital now

Ranboo: ok

Ranboo: [image sent: chickennuggies.jpg] I was on the denny's roof the whole time btw

Dadza: Which one got hurt I'll pay for the hospital visit

Dudududu: Karl may have broken his arm -Sapnap typing, Dream is driving and we stole his phone

Ranboo: @Purp(etrator) did you just walk into a denny's with a guy with bright green hair and a dog or is this not you [image attached: purp.jpg]

Purp(etrator): Ranboo you frighten me. Also yes that is me and Sam he is my brother

Purp(etrator): why are you still on the roof

Sunday, 5:40 pm

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: [imagine sent: karl.jpg] he's not dead

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: hjkshgbk

_Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420 added Soft Boi to the chat_

Samsung Smart Fridge Model #69420: how did you even grab my phone you're on the couch with a broken arm

Soft Boi: you'll never know uwu

tED: omg just kiss already

Sunday, 8:01 pm

Fundy: @Dadza I'm not coming to school tomorrow

Dadza: Someone better be dead or bleeding

Fundy: [image sent: pain.jpg] yes

Dadza: if Karl can come with a broken arm then you can come on your period Fundy

Fundy: this is worse than the time my appendix exploded in the middle of class

Ranboo: worse than the what

Fundy: you heard me

tED: oh yeah

tED: they pulled me out of bio class for that

tED: as his legal guardian I had to go to the hospital with him

tED: I just wanted to dissect my frog in peace man

Ranboo: I have so many questions and no idea where to start

Fundy: I also only have one kidney

Ranboo: how are you alive

Fundy: that's between me and god

Sunday, 11:43 pm

Purp(etrator): Ranboo please tell me that it wasn't you thta I just saw sprinting across the rooftops

Ranboo: nyoom

Purp(etrator): why

Ranboo: fell asleep on the dennys. have to feed the cats. nyoom.

Sunday, 11:55 pm

Ranboo: update I have locked myself out of my apartment

Purp(etrator): I know how to pick a lock I'll be there in like five minutes

Monday, 7:21 am

Man me a sand: why are all the children in this chat except Tubbo so scary

Tuwubbo (bee boy): :(

Ranboo: :) fear us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter where my ADHD took the reins! I promise there's a reason that Purpled, Ranboo and Fundy are this feral
> 
> My first plan was to have Ranboo sit in the washing machine like that "I dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior Jesus Christ and THIS is the thanks I get" vine but I thought sitting on a roof would be better
> 
> Also we now have Karl :D and everyone just wants him and Sapnap to start kissing already
> 
> Please leave comments ADHD brain needs the happy juice!
> 
> -Bamboo

**Author's Note:**

> Eret has infinite blackmail because they're That Bitch, Fundy could and would kill a man, Purp is gonna have some plot later, and everyone is scared of Ranboo even though they could snap him like a twig :)
> 
> I wrote the beginning of this after the rest of it and it shows (I started at "TWO TRUTHS ONE LIE" and went back to write the buildup after I wrote everything else ;-;)
> 
> Please comment! Even just a keyboard smash or quoting your favorite line helps me stay motivated to write :D
> 
> -Bamboo


End file.
